Talking to your childcare mentor: preparing a useful conversation

Bring two or three concrete questions to a mentor meeting and finish with a clear follow-up arrangement. You do not need to prepare a full account of family life. The purpose is to understand what is going well, where questions remain and what to do next. This guide helps you organise a conversation; it is not a tool for assessing your child’s development.

Find the right contact

Rijksoverheid states that each child in daycare and out-of-school care has a mentor who discusses development with the parent. Ask your location who holds that role and how to arrange a meeting. The mentor is not necessarily the person you see at collection every afternoon.

Also ask who can help when the mentor is away. A practical question about tomorrow may not be able to wait for a scheduled meeting. Find out which topics belong in the parent portal and which need dedicated conversation time.

Start with an observation

Write down what happened, when it happened and what your child did. For example: “On the last two Mondays, my child wanted to keep playing at collection.” This gives more information than “My child never wants to come home”. Leave room for staff to describe a different experience on the group.

Bring a positive example too. Your child may talk enthusiastically about a game or a new friend. Ask what staff have noticed. You do not need to turn a single event into a pattern; explaining what you do not yet know is useful.

Ask questions that invite examples

You could ask which activities your child enjoys, how they approach other children and what helps during a difficult transition. If an answer is broad, request an example. A description of an ordinary afternoon is often more useful than a label such as quiet or busy.

Treat differences between home and childcare as information, rather than proof that someone is mistaken. Ask what differs in the setting. Group size, time of day and familiar routines can all be discussed without drawing a diagnosis yourself. Make space for the staff member to explain what they observed and what remains uncertain.

Agree one manageable next step

Choose one point to work on together. Record what staff will do, what you might try at home and when you will review it. An example to discuss is giving a short warning that playtime is ending before collecting the bag together. This is a possible conversation starter, not a universal method for every child.

Ask whether the arrangement fits the group’s approach. Agree who will give feedback. “We will keep an eye on it” is harder to follow than “We will talk again in two weeks about how collection has been going”. You can then assess the same everyday situation together.

Keep notes useful and private

Save only what you need to remember the agreement. A short note with the date, question, action and follow-up is often enough. Share it with the relevant staff member through the agreed channel. Avoid putting personal information about your child or other children in a public parent group.

If a report uses unfamiliar terms, ask for an explanation. Clarify which observation the wording refers to and what next step is proposed. When a concern goes beyond childcare’s role, discuss who could provide appropriate help. A meeting should help you understand the question, rather than leave you with unexplained labels.

After the meeting

Read the agreement at home. Is it clear what will happen and when you will hear back? Send a short summary for confirmation if necessary. At the review, discuss what changed, what remains unclear and whether to adjust or finish the arrangement. This keeps the conversation connected to everyday experience instead of turning it into a one-off document.

Source and further help

Rijksoverheid: kwaliteit kinderopvang. Source checked on 25 October 2026. The checklist and examples are editorial tools; the source is in Dutch.

Read about intake and handover or compare childcare locations.