Helping your toddler learn to play together without forcing sharing

Playing together does not come naturally to every toddler. At this age, children often play beside one another, watch what the other child is doing and imitate part of it. Taking turns, joining the same game and sharing toys are still skills they are learning. If your child grabs a toy, treat the moment as practice rather than proof of bad behaviour. Stay close, describe the situation calmly and put the wish into words: “You want the car too.” You could use that short description while guiding the game, without asking for mature cooperation straight away. The NJI describes taking another child’s toy as common while toddlers are learning to play together.

Sharing can feel especially difficult when another child reaches for a toddler’s belongings. Avoid forcing your child to hand over a toy. Instead, model a brief exchange: use one of your toddler’s toys for a moment and then return it. The NJI recommends demonstrating sharing in this way, rather than requiring a child to hand over a toy. You can also practise taking turns during a calm moment at home with a simple game such as memory. You could name whose turn it is and then wait together until the next turn. Keep the activity short and practical. The aim is to rehearse a social skill, not to make your child perform or finish the game successfully.

Your toddler does not need to spend every minute playing cooperatively. Playing alone is still common, and many toddlers prefer to play near a trusted adult. You can therefore remain available without sitting beside the game throughout. A brief comment or quick look may be enough to help your child continue. During a playdate, start with a small selection of toys and allow the children to play alongside each other before stepping in. During that time, you could put out blocks or pretend-play objects, observe what each child does and allow space for separate play. Watch first, then guide the interaction when a child becomes stuck or the atmosphere starts to turn tense.

Pretend play gives toddlers another way to explore relationships. They often copy familiar roles, such as a parent, postal worker or baby, and use these scenes to think about how people act and respond. Offer simple materials—a doll, pans, blocks or dress-up clothes—and join for a short time. You might show the doll waiting for a turn or receiving a pretend meal, then let your child take over. Describe what is happening without directing every move. As a manageable next step, choose one brief turn-taking game and one pretend-play moment this week. Afterwards, note what your toddler could do independently and which prompt helped, rather than judging the whole play session.

Sources, accessed on 2026-10-02

• Nederlands Jeugdinstituut
• Nederlands Jeugdinstituut